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Tough Nut Negotiations



“So here we have our, ah, deluxe bachelor street suite. Perfect for the fast-paced lifestyle of a made guy like you. It’s only 49.99 acorns per month . . . nope, no cupules or stalks accepted as payment for the .99 . . . nuts only.


“It’s quaint, and even turns into a swimming pool when it rains! Cool, huh! Hey, buddy, why the face? Look, I’m not buying your story of just wanting to retrieve some dime you dropped in there. And sure, you’ll fit a bit snug, but that’s why you’re getting it for a song.


“I’ve gotta’ be honest with you. Can I be honest? Please, without you freaking out about talking chipmunks? You think you guys have the monopoly on language and capitalism? You do! Don’t you? Pssh! What a schmuck!


“Naw, never mind that . . . what I just said. Fug-get-about-it! Look, you seem like a nice guy, but I’m gonna’ tell it straight. This is the best thing for you. Yah, I hear you going on about the whole, ‘casual attire, out for a walk thing.’ But here’s the thing . . . I’ve been doing this since before this was a thing, and I’m telling you that your whole thing that you’ve got going on here, well that doesn’t holler, Oak Heights.”

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Author, Mark Bierman
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